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Let's Talk About Porn

Would you watch Talladega Nights or Cars to learn how to drive? We sure hope not (especially Cars because, well, those cars drive themselves)! We teamed up with Bellesa, the premier destination for all things female sexuality, to help you navigate the world of erotic cinema that is porn.

Content

Porn Sex ≠ Real Life Sex

For starters, it’s extremely important that the difference between fantasy and reality is well-understood (like, really well-understood).

Kind of like how romantic comedies are made for entertainment…well, so too is porn. So while it’s totally cool (and healthy!) to enjoy porn…we should watch it with a grain of salt (as we do “Love Actually” or “The Notebook”). We can’t allow the performance of paid actors to skew our expectations of reality!

If you want to learn more about sex education, you’re already in the right place. tabú answers the questions you’re too afraid to ask and brings you content you can trust. Taking control of your sexual health is empowering af.

So, let’s cover some of the differences between the sex you see depicted in porn and the sex you’re likely to be having (specifically and especially for women and people with vulvas in cisgender heterosexual dynamics). 

Sex In Porn

Arousal Time
Partner walks through the door, whips their dick out, says one word and their partner is wet af ready to go.

Orgasms
Orgasms happen every time people are having sex, typically at the same time for all involved partners.

Making Noise
Lots of moaning and loud expressions of passion from women. 

Penetration Type
Vaginal penetration (from a penis) is all that’s required for pleasure and orgasm.

Penis Size
Typically 7″

Facials
Gimme gimme – all women love getting cumshots to the face.

Pubic Hair and Bodies
All humans are shiny, slippery, hairless sculptures.

IRL Sex

Arousal Time
Some people experience spontaneous desire, while others more regularly experience responsive desire, requiring more build-up or sexual stimuli.

Orgasms
A study of 52,588 adults in the US found that self-reported orgasm frequency was experienced as follows: heterosexual men (95%), gay men (89%), bisexual men (88%), lesbian women (86%), bisexual women (66%), and heterosexual women (65%).

Making Noise
Some people are loud during sex, while others are not (of course, explicit enthusiasm is important for consent). 

Penetration Type
~18% of cis women orgasm from penile intercourse alone. Most require (or prefer) clitoral stimulation. 

Penis Size
Average erect penis is 5-6″

Facials
Some people enjoy cumshots to the face. Definitely ask first (as with any sexual act).

Pubic Hair and Bodies
Some people shave, some don’t. People come in all shapes, sizes, colors, genital variations, and abilities.

Also, um, where are the condoms, awkward fumbles, conversations, and lube?!

Benefits of (proudly) watching porn

  1. Masturbation is dang healthy.
    While porn is not a replacement for actual sex (or sex ed), watching porn often facilitates masturbation…which is a major plus. Masturbating is great for mental health – allowing for better sleeps and reduced stress. Also, a healthy masturbation schedule actually makes us better sex partners! Of course, everything in moderation. If you find that you can’t stop watching porn and it’s preventing you from living your daily life, it might be time to take a lil’ break.
  2. Real talk: It’s sometimes better than the real thing.
    …sometimes! Some nights, we just can’t bring ourselves to get off the couch, let alone get dressed and go somewhere. The struggle is real. By watching porn, we can reap the benefits of experiencing pleasure and excitement without having to lift a finger (okay, well maybe you’ll lift a few fingers…😏). Solo masturbation also allows us to selfishly focus on ourselves and not worry about getting a second human off. Feeling horny and really want to text your ex? Turn on some porn and enjoy your damn self!
  3. Porn can srsly benefit your relationship.
    The best sex happens when both partners are on the same page. Watching porn with your boo creates a safe space for each partner to ask for what they want. Watching porn with your partner can open both of your minds to new sexual possibilities and unexplored kinks.

Are there any ethical or "female-friendly" sites?

Here are some awesome female-centric websites to watch porn that minimize the gap between traditional porn sex and real world sex (and do not focus exclusively on the male gaze!.) And yes, guys and people of any gender can definitely enjoy these sites, too (duh). 

Bellesa — Porn for women. Bellesa features female-friendly HD porn videos and erotic stories. Hot guys. Storylines. Natural bodies. Free erotic stories.

Crash Pad Series — Queer Adult Cinema. Based on the award-winning feminist queer porn film The Crash Pad.

DipseaDipsea isn’t quite porn; it’s less about visuals (though their designs are stunning) and more about the auditory experience. Enjoy their sexy audio stories and intimate wellness sessions. Relatable, feminist, and celebratory.

MakeLoveNotPorn — MakeLoveNotPorn is a user-generated, crowd-sourced, and video-sharing platform that celebrates real world sex.

Quinn — Audio erotica is all the rage these days and Quinn brings you all the NSFW stories you could want for you next pleasure sesh.

Royal Fetish FilmsBDSM erotica that brings passion, sensuality, sex appeal, romance and kink.

What makes porn "ethical"?

Ethical porn, sometimes called “feminist porn”, is:

  • Porn in which all parties are enthusiastically consenting 😄
  • Porn for which performers are appropriately paid and credited for their work 💰
  • Porn for which performers are tested for STIs regularly and before shooting 💉
  • Porn through which performers are encouraged to communicate with their partner, letting them know about things they like/don’t like 🗯
  • Porn shot on a set that is comfortable: both emotionally (can yell “pause” if necessary), as well as physically (water, food, lube, AC, etc) 💆🏽
  • Porn that is shot through transparent studios 🎬
  • Porn that is bought directly from the performer 💵

It’s not the content in the scenes, but rather the production behind them, that determines if porn is ethical. Do your homework when it comes to researching where your porn is coming from and who is producing it!

tabúTalks

Behind the Porn Scenes: A Conversation on Ethical Porn and the People Who Make It

Are there alternatives to Pornhub? What makes porn ethical? Dive into this juicy conversation about ethical porn with award-winning screenwriter and pornographic film director, Jacky St. James and Playboy model, porn performer, and 2020 AVN Trophy Girl, Scarlit Scandal, led by the one and only podcast host and journalist extraordinaire, Arielle Kaplan aka Whoregasmic

behind the porn scenes cover image
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Topics discussed:

  • What makes porn “ethical”? How can you find ethical porn?
  • How does ethical porn get made? What’s the difference between mainstream and ethical porn studios?
  • What does working in the porn industry look like? How does it impact personal relationships?
  • What happens behind the porn scenes? What don’t we see in the final product?
  • Do most porn performers have natural chemistry? What happens if they don’t?

Looking for ethical porn to satisfy your desires? Check out Bellesa! It’s basically Netflix for porn. Only $1 for first 14 days and then $10/mo!

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