Breakups are tough. I got out of a four-year relationship a few months ago and it’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster since. No matter how ready your rational brain is to move on, when you go from spending every day with someone to suddenly extracting them from your life, it’s difficult. There are moments when you feel really excited about your independent, filled-with-possibilities future, and others where you find yourself randomly crying in public, staring at your ex-bae’s Instagram.
…and that’s all before a morning cup of coffee — at least, for me.
But don’t worry, we’re in this together. One of the best parts about newfound singledom is the ability to focus on yourself more. As I’ve gone through my post-breakup phases (dramatic haircut coming soon), my favorite stage has been viewing myself as a bigger investment. You have more time, money, and energy to spend on yourself now. So, let’s cash in on it. Here are the five things you should buy yourself post-breakup.
1. A vibrator
One of the most difficult parts of ending a relationship is going from 100 to zero…orgasms. When my BF and I broke up, I had a brief panic attack about the next time I would have an orgasm, followed by where I was going to move since we lived together (lol). Buying a vibrator completely fixed that problem and even made me forget about some of my others! When your eyes are rolling to the back of your head, there’s no time to worry about your maxed-out credit card or overflowing trash!
I got this Gyro-G Waterproof Vibrator from Good Vibrations and I highly recommend it. It’s waterproof so you can use it in the shower, it’s super quiet which means no awkward convos with your roommate about a late night buzzing noise and it has multiple speeds so you can turn up the intensity as you get more into it. Oh, and it was under $30. Best $30 I’ve spent in quite some time.
2. A journal
After a breakup, you have a lot of pent up #feelz. Feel all of them and write about all of them! Whether it’s in a journal or on your computer, verbalizing your feelings can be very therapeutic. Writing about emotionally charged situations helps puts your experience into perspective, gives structure to any anxious feelings you may have, and brings a sense of catharsis, according to an article in U.S. News & World Report. When I was broken up with, it felt like my ex made a big life decision without consulting me.
Writing about the experience helped me feel like I regained control.
3. A class, a book, or something that inspires you
You used to spend every day with someone and now you don’t. That means you’ve got more time to do something for yourself. I found it really helpful to be intentional with my spare time. What’s a class you’ve always wanted to take? How about a subject you’re super interested in that you never got to explore? Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to make homemade pasta, how to contour your makeup, or to speak a new language. The time is now! When your brain wanders and you start overanalyzing your breakup, focus on a new class or discovering a passion instead.
4. Melatonin chocolates + Netflix
The first few weeks after my split I had trouble sleeping. Going to bed turned out to be a memory trigger. I was really used to spending that time with my partner. Melatonin chocolate and Netflix was the perfect solution. This Good Day Chocolate (which you can buy at Whole Foods) tastes amazing and helps make you naturally sleepy. That, plus a “Gilmore Girls” rerun on Netflix (yes, they even have the revival episodes up!) and boom, you’ll be sleeping like a baby in no time.
5. The Unbound Rebound Box
If you haven’t heard of Unbound, I suggest popping over to the website ASAP. Unbound is basically Birchbox for sex toys. You can buy their product as a subscription service that surprises you with a new themed box every three months or you can purchase specific boxes that cater to your mood. The Rebound Box is extremely fitting post-breakup; it’s got everything you need for a very special night in with yourself. From boozy candies to erotic (and feminist AF) movies by Erika Lust and even Ginger Lychee Arousal Gel, prepare to never leave your apartment again.
So, there you have it. Hopefully, these help you as much as they helped me! Most importantly, remember to be kind and patient with yourself. Whether you wanted the split to happen or not, losing someone you spent a lot of time with is really hard. It’s also incredibly rewarding once you get to a place where you’re happy being completely on your own, like the badass bb you are (and if you gotta treat yourself in the meantime to get to that place, we’re right here with you).
Gifs via GIPHY
2020 Update: Unbound’s Rebound Box has been discontinued. Fear not. They still have plenty of other great products and sets you can use in your post-breakup journey.